ersatzach | (no subject)

After sending Chris to see his dad I stopped over at Pat's. We chatted a bit, and I'm not doing a very good job of hiding that something is off. I told him a little but not much. Pat was Pat. Kind, understanding, offering to be there. I said I'll talk to him more soon. Not sure if I can but... I've got to try... After getting my pets I stopped for some supplies. Chris will probably do a bigger food shopping later, he's kind of taken over in that department since he cooks and I don't that much. But I got some essentials. Eggs, a rotisserie chicken, some of that soup. Good cheese, crusty bread, tomatoes, etc. I get home and Chris isn't here.

I get the pets settled and fed and sit down the coffee I picked up at intelligentsia. I got chris one too, but it'll go cold I guess if he doesn't get here soon. I suddenly realize that in the last week we've hardly been apart for more than a few minutes... and to be truly alone right now feels-- unsettling. I notice my hand is trembling slightly as I hold the cup. I resis the urge to text him to see where he is. I can't rush him home. He needs to talk to his dad. "Noah!" I call and my dog comes over and settled on my lap. "That's a good boy..."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I more than just missed you... I felt-- frightened to be alone. Maybe not frightened exactly just-- not at ease. You've given me so much of your strength since-- that night. Right now you're the only safe place I have... the only one... I feel like i"m hurting you by-- bringing this into your life... making you cry."

"See...this is why we need to keep talking...to each other and to...I think we should both talk to professionals. I feel like I'm hurting you...you feel like you're hurting me...we really just need to take comfort in each other as we work through this..."

I nod. "We do..." I look into his eyes. "Is your dad-- is he upset with me that I'm-- not who he thought?" I say and I know its a dumb question but...

"How are you not who he thought you were?" I ask with a frown. "My dad loves you, Z," I say softly. "He was ready to get on a plane to Pittsburgh and do some damage."