(no subject)

[ersatzach]

After sending Chris to see his dad I stopped over at Pat's. We chatted a bit, and I'm not doing a very good job of hiding that something is off. I told him a little but not much. Pat was Pat. Kind, understanding, offering to be there. I said I'll talk to him more soon. Not sure if I can but... I've got to try... After getting my pets I stopped for some supplies. Chris will probably do a bigger food shopping later, he's kind of taken over in that department since he cooks and I don't that much. But I got some essentials. Eggs, a rotisserie chicken, some of that soup. Good cheese, crusty bread, tomatoes, etc. I get home and Chris isn't here.

I get the pets settled and fed and sit down the coffee I picked up at intelligentsia. I got chris one too, but it'll go cold I guess if he doesn't get here soon. I suddenly realize that in the last week we've hardly been apart for more than a few minutes... and to be truly alone right now feels-- unsettling. I notice my hand is trembling slightly as I hold the cup. I resis the urge to text him to see where he is. I can't rush him home. He needs to talk to his dad. "Noah!" I call and my dog comes over and settled on my lap. "That's a good boy..."

Comments

[spockn-at.insanejournal.com]

kind of want to murder Jeff now. "How-- how did you forgive him? How can you even stand to be in a room with him? I know it's the same as-- with Sam it was a long time, a systematic destruction of my self confidence and my trust but-- you and Jeff are so close... and how did you trust other men? Weren't you-- afraid that..."

[cfine.insanejournal.com]

"Well...I mean, you're right...Sam was systematically taking you apart. It was mind control with Sam, not just physical dominance. Jeff and I...we were...we are...equals...in every other aspect of our lives...except sex. In bed...he's the alpha dog, at least in his mind...and he's going to mount you and rut and be done with you...which is a terrible way to put it, I know but...it's the truth. Which is why I fought him...I didn't see why I had to be the bitch all the time. I guess because I was the one who wanted the relationship...love and all of the other things he viewed as pointless. It took a long time for Jeff and I to repair our friendship...but he actually felt bad about what he did...when he was sober enough to realize what happened."

[spockn-at.insanejournal.com]

"And after-- you were so trusting with me from the start. It didn't make you antsy about trusting men?" I whisper.

[cfine.insanejournal.com]

"I knew that not all men were going to be like Jeff. It helped that I understood that our personalities clashed in love...in bed. We butted heads instead of complimenting each other the way that partners should. With you...I dunno...we just seemed to...mesh. I could feel it..."

[spockn-at.insanejournal.com]

"I didn't know that. Sam was-- the first time I tried to have a real relationship. I'd dated but not... I was still figuring myself out I guess..." I look at him. "I'm glad you could feel how we fit-- I felt it too... right from the day we ran into each other in Scott's kitchen."

[cfine.insanejournal.com]

I smile and kiss his lips. "We collided..." I whisper.